The perpetuation of the family is still a central value in China, so much so that to give birth to children is considered to be an actual duty in several social contexts. Even though the situation is changing, families put a lot of pressure on people who have no intention of procreating (or those who seem not to): young singles, gay men, lesbian women, and newlyweds who have not yet conceived a child. Many parents and in-laws are even eager to actively obstruct the professional life of their daughters and daughters-in-law in order to convince them into staying at home to give birth to children and raise them. Moreover, for many women the end of the one-child policy in 2016 and so the chance to have a second son, resulted in new pressures to enrich the family with a newborn even more.
But “to what extent we women should renounce our personal realization and sacrifice our youth only to meet the needs of husbands, parents and in-laws?” a woman asked in a long post on the forum Zhihu. Her comment brought up a surprising wave of discussions surpassing continental China’s borders and reached also Hong Kong and Taiwan.
Mom at the cinema, dad changes the diaper
In the Zhihu’s post, the young woman explained that she made a pact with her family: since she earns more than her husband, she would satisfy her family request by “spawning” a baby, however she wasn’t going to take care of the newborn. “I carried the child for nine months in my womb, I suffered because of him: he deformed my body and I had to be absent from work… and now I should still use my time to breastfeed him, change his diapers, cook and clean? – she said to her family – I should do all of this to perpetuate your ancestral descendance and give you the joy of abundant offspring? And while I’m breaking my back, you reap the benefits and cuddle up with the baby?”
In fact, the newly born has been artificially breastfed and it’s up to the father and grandparents to take care of everything, from baby food to diaper changing, and domestic chores included. The mother, works and at night goes out with friends, she goes to the gym or to the cinema. Overall it seems like no one is in any way displeased. In particular, the mom admits to be overjoyed for “having a role which is the equivalent of a dad’s” meaning she is bringing in the money and not caring of the rest.
Does anything change in relationship roles?
Many men and women have expressed their approval for this kind of lifestyle –far from be taken as somewhat sarcastic- and evidently it touched a raw nerve in Chinese society which has been described as a manifesto for a new feminism. Nevertheless, there have been negative comments as well, including those defining it as dangerous content for the established order or even as a sophisticated conspiracy.
There are also more interesting and balanced critiques, as the one of Huang Xiuwei on Duanchuanmei. The journalist pointed her finger against the sexist logic in which the partner who earns the most, once completing their term in the role of reproduction, unloads all the heavy tasks at the expense of their partner. Huang wonders if earning the most “is really a good reason not to do anything at home? Taking care of our beloved ones becomes secondary and optional compared to work and money? If a woman doesn’t have success in her career and is not financially independent, is she obliged to take care of babies and elderly people, to cook and do domestic chores?” At least, the anonymous mom has the merit of opening the debate to the general public.
Pier Cesare Notaro
translation by Dhevan
©2018 Il Grande Colibrì
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